While many people believe the first step to getting divorce is hiring their own individual lawyer, this is not necessarily the first step that they need to take. The process should be dictated on what a person is most comfortable with, however if people understand what it mediator is, that can be a good first place to start the process. Many people have never been through a divorce before, and are unsure of where to begin.
People need to understand that mediator is a neutral party that does not give legal advice during the proceedings. Their job is to ensure that both people are listened to, and that they come up with an agreement based on what they need and want. For couples that are having a hard time communicating with each other, or coming to an agreement of what they want on their own, this can be a very important and necessary first step, especially if they want to avoid litigation.
People need to ensure that they have a lawyer hired before the end of the process, because their own lawyers are going to help people understand what they are agreeing to, and that they are fully aware of all of the other options they could have chosen. We recommend that people higher lawyer before the very end of the process, so that they can have their own, independent legal counsel.
People may believe that they need to have a lawyer hired prior to mediation, so that their lawyer can attend the mediation appointments with them. While this is not unheard of, it is also not very common. Most of the time, clients are having meetings with their mediator independently of their lawyers, and meeting with their lawyers after the appointment. However, if wish to have their lawyers present, this is an option.
People also think that they are going to be meeting individually with the mediator, separately from their spouses. However, the mediation process is going to start with both parties. However, if both parties cannot be in the same room at the same time, the mediator can go between rooms, negotiating the process. While this can be done, it does make the process much more difficult, because information, especially nonverbal communication is lost. And while it is a longer, more difficult process, it is still far better option than people hiring their own individual lawyers and litigating.
By understanding the mediation process, can help bring reassurance to both parties that their needs are going to be listened to, and they are going to be able to reach an agreement calmly, and respectfully. This way, by the time they are ready for getting a divorce, it will be a much simpler and easier process. While nobody looks forward to divorce, agreeing to terms ahead of time is a great way to ensure that the process goes as smoothly as possible, so that both sides can feel like they got what they needed.
This article was prepared for Miller Boileau by Inspired Method
Many people believe that the only time they need to hire a mediator is if they cannot already come to an agreement separately. And while it is very helpful for couples who are not able to talk to each other, mediation can help all couples who are facing this difficult decision ensure that they are coming up with agreements of what the terms of their divorce will be, without the expense of hiring lawyers and utilizing litigation.
However, many couples who are ending their marriage are doing so because the relationship is extremely volatile. If this is the case, a mediator can help ensure that they are coming to an agreement respectfully. A great mediator is going to contact both parties prior to the meeting, to ensure they understand the purpose of the meeting, and so that they can come prepared. If a person feels that they are at risk, either before, during or after the mediation, a mediator can ensure that they have made arrangements ahead of time so that they arrive and leave separately, and are never left alone together.
A mediator will also ensure that both parties understand that there are going to be rules of conduct during the process, to ensure people do not interrupt each other, to ensure there is no yelling and to ensure that there is no physical contact as well. This way, even couples that are having a difficult time communicating can ensure that they are able to speak their mind, and are listened to.
In some extreme cases, that some people are not even able to be in the same room even during mediation. For these cases, shuttle mediation can be done. This is when the mediator speaks to each person individually and separate rooms, and goes back-and-forth between. This is much more difficult, because a lot of information, especially nonverbal communication is lost. Since it is harder it also takes more time, and increases the expense, but this is still a better option than not going through mediation. By using lawyers to negotiate terms, often leads to litigation and can be far more expensive as well.
Even though many people believe that they should prepare for mediation by getting all of their legal documentation in order and bringing it to the meeting, actually do not do this. This way, if both parties arrive to the first meeting without any legal documentation, mediator can establish transparency and trust between both parties.
Nobody looks forward to ending their marriage, however by hiring a mediator, can help people ensure that they are communicating clearly and respectfully. Hiring a mediator can help people ensure that all of their interests are being looked after. We recommend that before people higher lawyer as their first step, even attending one mediation session can help put the entire process into perspective, and help both people move forward with this difficult process.
Early in her legal practice, influenced by her late uncle who was a Justice of the Court of Queen’s Bench, Marla Miller, K.C. became a Family Law Mediator. She has been helping families through mediation for over 30 years. In 2001 she, along with Pierre Boileau, K.C. and others, was one of the founding members of the Association of Collaborative Professionals (Edmonton). She has been an active volunteer with that Association ever since.
One of the first Family and Divorce Lawyers in Edmonton to make a commitment to give up litigation as an option, Marla remains passionate about helping her clients settle outside of court by finding agreements that meet their needs and interests. As both a Registered Collaborative Family Lawyer and a Registered Family Mediator, Marla is one of the most experienced family Mediators in Edmonton.