Separating With Children Involved
Divorcing or separating can be very stressful as it is. However, a stressful situation can be made much more stressful and difficult with the inclusion of dependant children. Parents who are separating or divorcing with children need to understand that it’s of Paramount importance to put their children’s needs ahead of their own. How their children are able to come out of the situation, is going to depend on how much the parents focused on the well-being of their children first and foremost. While 25% of all marriages that are ending have children involved, this is a lot of children who are going to be affected by divorce or separation. Therefore, parents should always be working towards their child’s best interest.
The first thing that’sparents need to do, is understand that the custody of their children and child support of their children are two separate issues. In fact, parents need to figure out the custody of their children first, as that is going to specify what the child support payments are going to be. While it was very standard in the past to have one parent have sole custody. That for the past 15 to 20 years, the shift has been towards giving both parents a shared parenting, which is either a 50/50 split. Or a 40%, 60% shared custody of the children. This is very important, because it reflects how the shift in mentality is that children need both parents in order to be successful.
The most important thing for parents to take note of when they have a shared custody agreement, is that they will be able to come up with their own child support payments. This is to reflect the ability of both parents to share equally in the cost of raising their child. This means food, clothing, shelter and even utilities are more equally shared by both parents. Child support in the past was used to help offset the cost. Since the Child live with one parent, the other parent would help offset the cost of paying for those basic necessities of life. Since both parents are legally obligated to financially care for their children, this is why child support was created. However, with more and more parents sharing custody, this is becoming less important.
However, parents do need to understand that there are two different types of child support payments. When is basic, and is paid to help offset the cost of paying for food, clothing, shelter and utilities of the child. The other one is called a special expense, and is often referred to by Miller Boileau as a section 7 expense. These are unusual expenses that often go towards paying for extracurricular activities for the child. Or, if the child has any special expenses outside of typical food clothing and shelter. This might be something like outstanding medical expenses, extracurricular activities, or something like braces.
Separating When You Have Children
Even though most parents would agree that they are very emotional when it comes to divorcing with children. Parents need to keep in mind that their children are probably even more fearful, and under even more stress. Therefore, I’ll parent needs to keep that in mind when they are conducting themselves around their children. Even if they think they are hiding their conflict well, they probably aren’t, and their children are more likely picking up more animosity than parents realize. Therefore, Fair parenting of the children during a divorce needs to be everyone’s top of concern.
Ultimately, the best possible outcome regarding child custody and child support is whatever is going to be in the best interest of the children. Parents often are very fearful that they are going to lose their children, that it guides their decision-making process. This ultimately isn’t fair, because the child should be allowed to bond with each parent the way they see offense. Also, parents needs to understand that they are not protecting their children if they are not allowing their child to see their spouse. It’s very important that parents keep this in mind, and start with the goal of whatever is going to help their child best.
However, many couples are having a very difficult time to negotiate child custody and child support because they are already very emotional. And no matter what, Miller Boileau suggests that parents keep in control of the negotiations at all times. Even if this means they have to go to mediation. Even through mediation, both parents are in complete control of the outcome. And this is very important, because when parents are not in control of the outcome, they will end up having the Court decide what’s best for their children.
Even though the court is going to do their best to decide what is in the best interest of the children in a divorce, parents should avoid this at all costs, because it will eventually mean that a stranger, IE a judge and court system is going to decide which parent’s will have custody of the child, where that child can go to school, and how often they can see each parent. A bad agreement is better than both parents completely losing control of being able to parent their child.
It can be a very overwhelming situation to navigate separation. And when there are children involved in the relationship, that can be even more stressful. However, parents should keep their children’s best interest at heart, understanding that their child needs to be able to see their parents as often as they can, and that both parents are financially obligated to pay for their children. When they keep this in mind, parents will be able to have a better time negotiating their separation or divorce.
Early in her legal practice, influenced by her late uncle who was a Justice of the Court of Queen’s Bench, Marla Miller, K.C. became a Family Law Mediator. She has been helping families through mediation for over 30 years. In 2001 she, along with Pierre Boileau, K.C. and others, was one of the founding members of the Association of Collaborative Professionals (Edmonton). She has been an active volunteer with that Association ever since.
One of the first Family and Divorce Lawyers in Edmonton to make a commitment to give up litigation as an option, Marla remains passionate about helping her clients settle outside of court by finding agreements that meet their needs and interests. As both a Registered Collaborative Family Lawyer and a Registered Family Mediator, Marla is one of the most experienced family Mediators in Edmonton.