Common misconceptions about mediation often causes people to not seek it out as early as they should. In fact, most people believe that mediation is only necessary once the communication has broken down between their spouse and themselves during a divorce agreement. However, this is not true, people can benefit from that mediation at any point in their divorce proceedings. However, it is often most beneficial at the beginning, to ensure that communication does not break down, by letting both parties feel heard, and negotiate terms that are important to them.
However, many people wonder about how the process should go, have many questions about what they should do when they are considering mediation. The first thing that many people wonder, is when is the best time they should arrange for a mediation session. Again, that it can be helpful at any point, but it is often best for people to come in for a mediation session even before they have retained lawyers to negotiate the terms of their divorce. While they are going to need legal representation before an agreement is reached, it can be a great and positive first step. This will ensure that both parties are able to feel that they have been hurt, and get to indicates what their most important issues will be. This can often help both people reach an agreement that is not only in accordance with the law, but one that both people can feel good about and agreed to earlier on in the process.
Many people also wonder what kind of qualifications and mediator should have. At Miller Boileau, the mediators that they have are also lawyers, so that they are very familiar with what is allowed to be agreed to by law. Also, while the mediator works with both parties to reach an agreement, they also do not give any legal advice. Therefore, it is very important that people understand that prior to signing that agreement, they should have their own lawyer look it over, to ensure that the agreement is fair for them. If they can arrange a lawyer prior to the completion of the agreement, they can ensure that the lawyer is ensuring that the agreement that is being reached is best interest.
Many people also wonder if they need to have their lawyer attend mediation with them. While this is possible, is also not necessary. It ends up adding to the cost, when both parties must pay a legal fee as well as the mediator. And since the mediator will be with both parties at all times, it is often not necessary at all.
By understanding the mediation process, can help people arrange for mediator earlier on in their divorce proceedings, so that they can end up with an agreement which earlier in the process, without having to litigate the results that they want.
What People Wonder Most About Mediation
Not only is mediation not what most people expected to be. Preparing for it is also not what most people think it is. Many people believe that they have to retain lawyers, and get their legal paperwork in order prior to meeting with the mediator. However, if people understand that is simply a way for both parties to let the other know what terms are going to be the most important to them during the divorce, then they will be able to understand that it is a cooperative meeting, where they will both feel heard and respected, in order to come to an agreement about the terms of their divorce.
Many people believe that they need to get all of their legal paperwork in order prior to their first mediation session. They actually advise people against doing this. It can end up causing discord between people, when one party comes in with a bunch of legal paperwork. It can feel like they are being railroaded, or going to be strong-armed into an agreement that they are not ready for. Therefore, they recommend that both people arrive completely empty-handed. Also, often not all legal paperwork is required, and rather than ask either party to run around getting a bunch of information together first, the mediator will help understand what legal paperwork is needed for the future discussions, and who is going to be responsible for bringing it. This way, it lends itself a lot more to cooperative communication.
However, Miller Boileau does recommend that people come prepared for mediation by thinking about what a person’s core interests, values and fears are. By thinking about this, and writing down all the thoughts that they have associated with the divorce, and the divorce proceedings can help negotiations go smoothly. This is not about thinking about how much money either party wants out of the situation, but surely what is at the heart of what is most important to people.
One thing that mediators often do, is help the situation if there is a knowledge or power imbalance. By ensuring both people feel safe, and are treated respectfully by adhering to rules of conduct. People can ensure that no matter how powerless they feel in the marriage, they will feel like they are being heard and respected during a mediation session. This way, they can ensure that they are negotiating terms that are going to be there for them as well.
By understanding what mediation is, and how it can help people and with an amicable divorce agreement, many people can start the process with a good mediator. By doing this, people can often come to add mutually beneficial agreement much sooner, and while keeping the communication between both parties open and friendly. This is extremely important to ensure that divorces go smoothly to ensure everybody gets what is most important to them.
Early in her legal practice, influenced by her late uncle who was a Justice of the Court of Queen’s Bench, Marla Miller, K.C. became a Family Law Mediator. She has been helping families through mediation for over 30 years. In 2001 she, along with Pierre Boileau, K.C. and others, was one of the founding members of the Association of Collaborative Professionals (Edmonton). She has been an active volunteer with that Association ever since.
One of the first Family and Divorce Lawyers in Edmonton to make a commitment to give up litigation as an option, Marla remains passionate about helping her clients settle outside of court by finding agreements that meet their needs and interests. As both a Registered Collaborative Family Lawyer and a Registered Family Mediator, Marla is one of the most experienced family Mediators in Edmonton.