A sincere, well-timed apology can shift the emotional tone of your divorce in powerful ways, but it must be heartfelt and appropriate. When done right, an apology can open the door to healing, better negotiations, and even closure. Just know that it may not always be received the way you hope and that is okay too.
Why Should You Consider Apologizing?
When you are going through a divorce, the last thing you may want to do is apologize. You may be angry, hurt, or even convinced that you did not do anything wrong. But a sincere apology, one that is genuine and well-timed, can be a turning point in the emotional tone of your separation.
It is important to remember that you don’t offer an apology to win something or to smooth things over superficially. You offer it to acknowledge thepain your former partner may be feeling and to take responsibility for your part in how things ended.
What Makes an Apology Work?
Not all apologies are created equally. “I’m sorry if you were hurt” or “I’m sorry you feel that way” is not really an apology, it is a way of avoiding accountability.
For an apology to work, it must be:
- Sincere and voluntary
- Offered without expecting anything in return
- Specific for what you are apologizing
- Validate the other person’s feelings
- Clear about how you will do better or avoid repeating the same mistakes
If your apology checks all those boxes, it can help the other person feel seen and heard, something many people are desperately seeking during divorce.
Why Timing Matters
Don’t rush an apology. If you deliver it during a court appearance or while negotiating property division, it may appear strategic rather than heartfelt. The best apologies often occur in private conversations or as part of the Collaborative Divorce process, where space is made for emotional healing not just legal closure.
What If Your Apology Is Not Accepted?
You might offer a sincere apology but still receive a cold or even hostile response. That does not mean you did the wrong thing. The truth is that your former partner may not be ready to hear it and they might not ever be.
That is okay. You don’t apologize to fix everything. You apologize to take responsibility, to show growth, and to release yourself from carrying unnecessary guilt.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1: Should I apologize if I don’t think I did anything wrong?
Only apologize if you genuinely feel there is something to you could have done differently. If you cannot offer an apology with honesty, it may cause more harm than good.
Q2: Can an apology really help during a divorce?
Yes. A well-worded apology can sometimes unlock stuck negotiations or reduce emotional tension, making the entire divorce process smoother.
Q3: What if my apology is rejected?
That is always a possibility. But offering a sincere apology is about personal accountability not about controlling someone else’s reaction.
About Marla Miller
Marla S. Miller is a senior family lawyer at Miller Boileau Family Law Group in Edmonton, Alberta. With over 40 years of experience Marla helps clients go through divorce with integrity, compassion, and clarity.
Considering a collaborative approach to your separation? Call Marla Miller today at 780‑482‑2888.
Early in her legal practice, influenced by her late uncle who was a Justice of the Court of Queen’s Bench, Marla Miller, K.C. became a Family Law Mediator. She has been helping families through mediation for over 30 years. In 2001 she, along with Pierre Boileau, K.C. and others, was one of the founding members of the Association of Collaborative Professionals (Edmonton). She has been an active volunteer with that Association ever since.
One of the first Family and Divorce Lawyers in Edmonton to make a commitment to give up litigation as an option, Marla remains passionate about helping her clients settle outside of court by finding agreements that meet their needs and interests. As both a Registered Collaborative Family Lawyer and a Registered Family Mediator, Marla is one of the most experienced family Mediators in Edmonton.