Even though your children are now adults, your divorce still affects them. It is important to protect them from becoming emotionally entangled or pulled into the conflict. By setting clear boundaries and focusing on respectful communication, you give your children the freedom to love both of their parents and support you in healthier ways.
Adult Children Are Still Your Children
When you go through a divorce later in life, it is easy to think your adult children will not be affected but that is not true. Just like younger kids, adult children can feel caught in the middle, pressured to take sides, or burdened with your emotions. You may think you are just “sharing” with them, but it can quickly become too much.
Your job as a parent does not end when your child turns 18. You still need to protect them emotionally, especially during a time that is already feeling uncertain to them.
Don’t Put Them in the Middle
You might be tempted to lean on your adult child as a source of support, but that can backfire. When your adult child becomes a confidant or you complain about your former spouse, you put them in a painful position. They may feel like they must pick a side or defend one parent against the other.
Instead, keep your conversations focused and respectful. You can say something like, “Your dad and I are working things out. You do not have to worry; we are handling it.” That is the kind of message that allows your adult child to step back and breathe.
Be Mindful About Sharing Details
You do not need to give your adult children every detail about the separation, especially when it comes to money, legal battles, or blame. Oversharing can make them feel like they need to “fix” things, or worse, feel responsible for your happiness.
If they ask questions, it is okay to be honest but keep it simple and age-appropriate. Focus on reassurance, not emotional weight.
When They Try to Take Sides
Sometimes, your adult child might try to jump in and “protect” you by confronting your former partner or getting involved in negotiations. That might feel comforting at first, but it only adds more stress and confusion.
Remind your children that this is between you and their other parent, and that you have it under control. If they want to help, suggest something positive:
- Include you in family events
- Spend time with you
- Encourage open, loving relationships with both parents
Let them support you with presence, not pressure.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1: What if my adult child wants to help with the legal process?
It is best to keep your legal matters between you, your lawyer, and your divorce professionals. Even if they are well-meaning, their involvement can increase tension and backfire.
Q2: Can I talk to my adult child about how I’m feeling?
Yes, but with boundaries. If you need emotional support, consider talking to a friend, therapist, or support group instead of relying solely on your child.
Q3: What is the best way to help my kids through this?
Reassure them that you are handling things. Let them know they do not have to take sides, and model respectful behavior toward their other parent.
If you are going through a divorce and need help, call Pierre Boileau today at 780‑482‑2888.
Pierre Boileau
Over almost 35 years of practice Pierre Boileau, K.C. has gained experience as a Mediator, Collaborative Family Lawyer, Litigator and now as an Arbitrator. Pierre’s extensive experience has shown him that client satisfaction is maximized when clients have control over their own future. This can best be achieved through interest based negotiation. Only as a last resort, should litigation be considered. When necessary, Pierre relies upon his vast court experience and training.
Pierre remains committed to continuing to practice at a high level with particular care, interest, and sound judgment. He doesn’t shy away from particularly challenging cases. Pierre’s greatest reward comes from the satisfaction of assisting clients through one of the most challenging experiences of their lives.