Telling your kids about your plans for divorce is incredibly difficult, but with care, honesty, and a united front, you can ease the impact. Tailor the conversation to their age, reassure them it’s not their fault, avoid oversharing, and let them stay children—not caretakers. Your behavior now will shape how they handle relationships and challenges in the future.
As a parent, you want to protect your kids from pain, so telling your children that you are getting divorced is a moment that requires care, honesty, and planning.
The first and most important step is to tell your children together. Whether or not the decision to divorce was mutual, you must present a united message. Rehearse what you will say ahead of time and agree on the tone and content. Your joint message should be, “We have decided to move forward in this way as a family.” Even if only one parent initiated the divorce, your children need to hear that both of you are committed to helping them through the transition.
Tailor the Message to Their Age
Children of different ages will process the news in different ways:
- Young children need reassurance. Keep your message simple and clear: “You are safe. We both love you. We are still your parents, and we will always take care of you.” Let them know they don’t need to worry about adult problems or take care of you.
- Tweens and teens may have more questions. They may wonder if your decision to divorce is their fault or if there was something they could have done to prevent it. It is important to clearly say: “This decision has nothing to do with anything you did. There is nothing you could have done to stop it and there is nothing you need to do to fix it.”
- Older teens and young adults may have more emotional maturity, but they are still your children. They are not your friends or therapists. Avoid the temptation to overshare. Keep the focus on reassuring them while maintaining boundaries and answering their questions with respect and clarity.
Preserve Their Childhood
Children often try to step into adult roles when they see a parent in pain. This is called parentification, and it can be emotionally harmful. You want to avoid situations where your child feels like they can’t go out with friends because “Dad will be lonely,” or they need to comfort because “Mom is upset.”
Let your children be kids. While it’s okay to be honest about certain realities, like changes in living arrangements or spending, you can still emphasize that both parents are doing their best and that none of this is their fault.
Most importantly, remember that your actions will shape how your children understand relationships and resilience. Modeling respect, cooperation, and emotional balance—even in tough times—is one of the most powerful lessons you can give them.
Marla S. Miller is a senior family lawyer with Miller Boileau Family Law Group in Edmonton, Alberta. With decades of experience, Marla brings insight, compassion, and clarity to complex family transitions. She is a leader in both Mediation and Collaborative Divorce and is deeply committed to helping families protect what matters most—their children’s well-being.
If you’re going through a divorce and need help supporting your children through the process, call Marla Miller today at 780-482-2888.
Miller Boileau Family Law Group is located at 10981 127 St. NW, Edmonton, Alberta, T5M 0T1
Early in her legal practice, influenced by her late uncle who was a Justice of the Court of Queen’s Bench, Marla Miller, K.C. became a Family Law Mediator. She has been helping families through mediation for over 30 years. In 2001 she, along with Pierre Boileau, K.C. and others, was one of the founding members of the Association of Collaborative Professionals (Edmonton). She has been an active volunteer with that Association ever since.
One of the first Family and Divorce Lawyers in Edmonton to make a commitment to give up litigation as an option, Marla remains passionate about helping her clients settle outside of court by finding agreements that meet their needs and interests. As both a Registered Collaborative Family Lawyer and a Registered Family Mediator, Marla is one of the most experienced family Mediators in Edmonton.