Holidays are an emotional time for divorced or separated parents, but the focus should remain on the children, not past traditions or unmet expectations. Planning early, staying flexible, and keeping children out of conflict will create a better, more joyful holiday season for everyone.
The holiday season is supposed to be magical time of the year, but for families that are divorced or in the middle of the divorce process, it can add to the stress. From clashing schedules to emotional pressure, it is easy for conflict to creep in. As family lawyers, we often see how poor planning or miscommunication turns what should be a joyful time into a source of anxiety, especially for the children.
With some forethought, collaboration, and emotional awareness, you can make the season far less stressful for your children and for yourself.
1. Start Planning Early
Holiday parenting plans shouldn’t be a conversation that starts in December. Courts are often booked solid by the fall, and disputes about parenting time during the holidays arise simply because parents leave the planning stage until too late.
Ideally, start discussing Christmas and winter break schedules as early as June or July. This gives you time to negotiate calmly, create a workable plan, and avoid last-minute legal emergencies.
2. Prioritize Your Kids—Not Your Inner Child
One of the biggest mistakes separated parents make during the holidays is losing sight of what your children actually need. Some parents believe they are acting for their kids’ best interests, but in reality, they are reliving their own childhood holiday fantasies.
Let’s be honest: kids would love to have Christmas every day if they could. But what they really want, especially during your separation, is:
- Predictability: Knowing where they will be and when.
- Peace: Parents who aren’t fighting.
- Security: Confidence that both homes are stable and calm.
Christmas isn’t the time for you as their parents to “get in touch with your inner child.” It is about protecting your real child from emotional fallout. Kids don’t want to feel like they are the reason that their parents are angry or that they have to “pick a side.”
3. Be Creative and Flexible
There is no one-size-fits-all model for splitting the holidays. Some families alternate Christmas Eve and Christmas Day each year; others divide the entire break week-by-week.
What is most important is flexibility and the willingness to create new traditions. Let go of rigid expectations and ask, “What is best for the kids this year?”
4. Take Care of Yourself, Too
When your child is spending holiday time with their other parent, it can be emotionally tough. Rather than sitting at home feeling alone, take the opportunity to:
- Start a new tradition of your own
- Spend time with supportive friends or family
- Volunteer, travel, or simply rest
Your kids will feel more at ease knowing you are okay, too.
5. Consider Collaborative Divorce or Mediation for Planning
If communication is tough, the Collaborative Divorce process or Mediation can help you both to work out a plan in a structured, respectful setting. These divorce processes are often quicker, less expensive, and far less stressful than litigation and they keep the focus on your child’s needs.
The holidays after divorce will look different, but different does not have to mean worse. Proactive planning, emotional self-awareness, and a child-centered mindset can create peaceful and meaningful holiday memories that your kids will treasure for years to come.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1: What if my ex won’t agree to holiday plans?
Don’t wait until December to solve it. Reach out early to a family lawyer or mediator to create a plan. If needed, you may have time to file a court application well before the holidays.
Q2: Should our parenting plan include holidays?
Yes. A detailed parenting plan should address who has the children during all major holidays, including pickup times, locations, and any travel plans.
Q3: What if I feel emotional or left out during the holidays?
That is completely normal. Use the time to focus on self-care, lean on your support system, or create new holiday rituals that are meaningful for you.
For guidance on co-parenting or holiday planning during and after divorce, contact Pierre Boileau today at 780-482-2888.
Pierre Boileau
Over almost 35 years of practice Pierre Boileau, K.C. has gained experience as a Mediator, Collaborative Family Lawyer, Litigator and now as an Arbitrator. Pierre’s extensive experience has shown him that client satisfaction is maximized when clients have control over their own future. This can best be achieved through interest based negotiation. Only as a last resort, should litigation be considered. When necessary, Pierre relies upon his vast court experience and training.
Pierre remains committed to continuing to practice at a high level with particular care, interest, and sound judgment. He doesn’t shy away from particularly challenging cases. Pierre’s greatest reward comes from the satisfaction of assisting clients through one of the most challenging experiences of their lives.